End of the 1st Quarters: Turning 25

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I love my birthday. I always love the idea of getting one year older. One more year full of adventures and mishaps. For me getting older is the price, the dollar amount you pay to live. It’s like rent money.

Now! What annoys the shit out of me is when my friends say things like “Oh my god! We are so old! 25 is so old! Why are we getting so freaking old?!”

I mean, really? Are we really “that old”?

A.) No

B.) You are giving yourself way too much credit if you think you are mature enough to have this whole life things figured out. Being old comes with wisdom. And clearly we don’t have the wisdom to realize being a 20something and 30something is a blessing. “Youth” is really wasted on the youth.

You know what old is too me? 92. 92 years is hella old. That in mind – we are so far from being truly OLD.

I am a strong believer that age is just a state of mind. If you already feel old at 29 or 35, well then sure. Life is pretty much over for you. However – you can still change. Start living life to the fullest. My mother always told me: “you are only young once but can be immature for life. And the rate you are going at you are going to be immature on your death bed.” Trust.

On the subject of my mother, the OG K Dot, is 63. She has written countless books, still writes to this day, worked as a journalist, had a job as a producer for numerous radio shows, worked as a copy editor in an advertising company, successfully started her own business, gave birth to two healthy daughters, has been to Paris, Rome and Ireland, has had a hip replacement and is a survivor of cancer. That’s only a few plot points in her 63 years on this planet. And she still has so much time left!

I am turning 25 at the end of this month. For those who have been following my wild journey of my birthdays might be aware that I christen each year with a title and goal. When I was 23 it was my “Jordan Year.” Goal – to do shit with no fear of failing. I was very satisfied with the results.

Turning 24 I made it my “bitch don’t kill my vibe” year. To be completely honesty, I feel like I failed at my goal. Which was to worry more about me and careless about what people think. I got sidetracked the coldest and really lost myself. But that’s OK. No need to shame myself anymore. I can only just move forward from here.

24 was a really tough year. Not a bad year, just tough. A lot of changes and growth happened. With growth comes growing pains. One can not happen without the other. Bittersweet but oh so very deliciously in its rewards.

After watching Love & Basketball (all big life choices should be made after watching that movie, just saying) I have now deiced to calling my 25th year on this earth “The end of 1st quarter.” If I’m lucky I will live to be 100 (the women in my family tend to live very long lives) This is just the ending of my first quarter.

If life is a game – here’s the recap: I survived middle school and high school. Two places I was pretty sure were going to eat me a live. I was a poet for nearly 10 years! Landed my “dream job.” Quit my “dream job.” Stopped being embarrassed to be called a writer. Went to film school. Nearly died twice. Once from a ruptured appendix. The other time was being hit by a drunk driver. I published a book, made friends, lost friends. Grew up with my family. Grew apart from family. I am someone who lives with depression, PTSD, and is bi-polar. I fell in love. Deep, rich, beautiful love. I had my heart broken. Shattered. Ripped from my body. I laughed a lot and I cried just as much if not more. But here I am. Honored to be getting another year older. Also! I moved to Los Angeles. Truly getting on the road to get on Saturday Night Live. (Or become the creator of my own awesome show…)

So let’s say an ESPN report was interviewing me I would be like;

“Well Natasha, thanks for asking. I am really proud of what’s happen so far. I had a lot of doubt going into this but I’m trying my hardest to stay strong. I took a lot of uncalled for hits. Even threw a feel myself. Which I am embarrassed to admit too. I did make some bad plays in the beginning (thanks for pointing that out.) I did take out the wrong players at the wrong times. Even traded a few. I met new players who have done nothing but encouraged me on becoming a better performer. Bounced around for a bit, lost site of my goals. But overall, things are looking up for me. I still have 3 whole quarters ahead of me. And it’s anyone’s game at this point.”

(I get I am going super strong on this sports metaphor right now but like I said Love & Basketball man. Such a great movie.)

Maybe next year I’ll adventure out of the sport metaphors.

But look! What I am trying to say is – life is fucked up. Life is beautiful. Life is fucking beautiful. Do you. Do you to the fullest. Things will hit rock bottom way before you can catch your breath. Then again, there will be times where you are so overwhelmed and dizzy off happiness. And drunk off good vibes.

 

After this summer, negative thoughts still burn holes in my mind. I like to think I am just making space for more important, happier thoughts. I can be negative when I’m dead. I’ll be like man, I am dead. This really sucks. But until then – here’s too another 75 years.

April = Poetry Month = 30/30

It’s that time of year again! Where poets and writers create one poem a day for the whole month of April. I am off to a good start, seeing as it’s only the 2nd day and I have written two poems already. I will post my poems here on the blog but every week so not to make the posts look messy.

I also proud to announce that I am working with my favorite slam collective Rain City Slam by doing a workshop writing feature tonight at scratch deli instead of their normal feature and slam. This is a way to help poets who are taking part in 30/30. Giving up advice, tips, and creative ways at looking at each day as a way to advance yourself as a writers and not seeing it as a challenge or a chore.

For daily writing prompts check in with their tumblr here and for more details about tonight’s event check out here.

As for my 30/30 – check out here or my facebook!

2-4/30

After a great feature at Rain City Slam yesterday, I have been able to sit down and get some much needed writing and e-mailing done. Please keep in mind the Hedgebrook show at Town Hall is April 9th. For more info please go here.

Now; on too the poetry. As you know it’s national poetry month and I am taking part in the 30/30 challenge. I’ve been posting the poems on my facebook page.

Here is April 2rd and here is April 3rd. And todays…

4/30 2013
dear future self,

It rained today.

After days of spring and sun, it rained. You didn’t mind. In fact, you loved it. You got to wear a sweater that has been hanging in your closet like a stood up prom date. A cafe colored piece of work that you bought second hand. Pulled it over your head and it smelled of rain.

You also saw Liz today.

She told you that being frustrated right now is OK. In fact, it’s a great thing. It means you just want more in your life and there is nothing wrong with wanting more in your life. She also told you that fear can be mobilizing. It doesn’t have to be a road block or an excuse. Liz hates it when you use your fear as an excuse.

I am pretty use everyone around you is fed up with you using fear as an excuse.

You did admit to Liz that you have put childish dreams to rest. This news made her sad and she didn’t understand why you would do that. She thinks you should keep at it.

That you are only frustrated.

Sincerely,
Rose 2013

p.s.
Roger Ebert died today.
When you got the news you for a moment questioned the weather. You, for a moment, didn’t believe you could ever truly love the smell of rain. Maybe it was a trick you learned from a film.
You wanted to hid in your sweater again. Pull it over you and make rest of this fabric. Call it home for the time being.

The news of his death, really took a strange toll on you.
Like it was a death in the immediate family.

It wasn’t like the passing of John Hughes or Etta James,
where you took to your bed for days.
But you learned a lesson, the youngest part of you got really really
really scared for a moment.

Idols die too.

Heroes can crumble.

That after the credit rolls, there always that eery silences in a movie theater. That we all have to leave this place. That we all have to carry on.
That for two hours, we were whisked away to live someone else’s life.
Burn ourselves in someone else’s skin.
You’ve always loved playing pretend. You’ve always loved being an actress.
You’ve always been so scare to play yourself,
a role you were born too.

Roger Ebert wasn’t a guy who watch film.
He was film.
You fear the death of film. That everyone is a critic
but there was only one Robert Ebert.

He is a empty movie theater.
A strange little boy who was always just trying to get away.
Lived a remarkable life watching overs live it. You’ve always wanted to be one of those people.
You want your name in Times New Roman Font,
you’ve always wanted movie credits.
You always wanted to roll.

The sunset was the best supporting role, you will never get to play.
The way the salon door swings when our cowboy walks in.
The sound the curtain makes to revel all that stands behind it.
Roger Ebert was the movies.

You always wanted to be the movies.
So you began to write.
Write parts that could become phantom limbs.

Today it rained. And your wrote yourself a letter, to try to make sense of it all.
You could laugh at this later or edit it to make a more understandable statement.
But for now, you are just living,
in a moment.

Currently,
the only moment.

April is Poetry Month! x 30/30

April is National Poetry Month, so I am a very busy little poet. Since it’s national poetry month it only makes scenes that 30/30 would be the same month a.k.a. NaPoWriMo. Basically it’s when a poet (or any type of writer) writes a poem a day for a whole month. The trick is to then post it somewhere to share with the world. Either posting it to facebook, twitter, tumblr, etc.

I will be taking part this year so here is my FIRST 30/30. I will be posting them on here as well as my facebook page so keep an eye out.

1/30

Sitting in direct sunlight can do a lot to a person.

I never know why but I always question myself when someone asks me my name.
I always hesitate to give them a straight answer,
as though, it’s a question I’ve been asking myself all along.

Rose
is a flower.
So basic. So cliche. So easily punned.
It’s an elegant trick.
But a trick, none the less.

Rose
is a lady.
Like.

I’ve never felt very lady like.
And for the days I do, I mask it even more.
I sit in direct sunlight.
Wait for the perfume to sweat into musk
I don’t feel like a lady most day.

I’ve learned to be un-lady like.

Sitting in direct sunlight can make any body tired.
Can make the freshest wilt.

Can do a lot,
of damage.

Can do a lot,
of good.

Roses need water.
And direct sunlight.